Project Runway Recap!!

"This is Project Runway." Yes it is Heidi, yes it is! The girls are at sleepovers and Jason is mowing so I'm going to type a bit as I watch (although let me preface by saying I am NO Lincee Ray of Bachelor Recap fame, I'm not nearly as clever, funny, or witty. Also, I don't sew or know much about sewing. Bet you are dying to keep reading.).

I'm so excited. I am especially excited that they aren't having any of the casting stuff. I always end up liking or being interested in someone that doesn't make the cut.

MEET THE DESIGNERS
Jarell Scott, 28 - former model, had to make his own cool clothing when he moved to NY.
Blayne Walsh, 23 - Fashion designer for 6 years, loves tanning.
Joe Faris, 41 - Two girls, 5 & 9 are his main motivation.
Stella B. Zotis, 42 - Designs for rock stars, hookers and pimps. Hopes she doesn't get eliminated right away – does anyone?
Jennifer Diederich, 27 - Popped out of a spool of thread.
Kelli Martin, 27 - Started own store "Black Market".
Terri Stevens, 39 - Aerosmith, Lauryn Hill, Michael Jackson – now there is a dinner party. Really fast – she can make a three piece suit in 8 hours. (hmm…what if she had to make it out of candy wrappers, still only 8 hours?)
Jerry Tam, 32 - Actually doing very well as a designer, has his own company, is on the forefront of being a big name in the industry. He's also very modest J or they are editing him up for failure.
Suede, 37 - He has one name, he designed a lot of jeans. Tired of making millions for others, wants to make millions for Suede. Says his own name a lot.
Keith Bryce, 26 - Urban/Little Bit Rock. Apparently has bracelets with "WWHW" (What Would Heidi Wear?) Self taught designer was just "born with it". The needle in his hand had to hurt his mama when he was coming out.
Korto Momolu, 33 - Originally from Liberia West Africa, currently lives in Little Rock, Arkansas. Shout Out! Said she was going to be the second woman and first African American to win…didn't knock on wood.
Leanne Marshall, 27 – Started a clothing line that I'm going to assume is spelled Leannimal? Or maybe Leanimal? Or Leanneimal? I'll google it later. I see pleats and ruffles.
Emily Brandle, 27 - (I'm probably going to be getting the three girls with brown hair and bangs mixed up a lot). Smoke and Mirror clothing.
Daniel Feld, 25 - Inspired by nature. (The last time I took a walk through the forest I did notice the leaves on that one tree looked like playing cards.)
Wesley Nault, 23 - Young, secure, clothes are divine (his words not mine).

To the roof! Tim's great as usual, Heidi teases that the first challenge is about to start and the contestants shake hands and exchange pleasantries.

Kenley Collins, 25 - Why didn't we meet her before the roof? I saw her in the background because she's one of my confusing brown hair with bangs girls. Made a BFF when she noticed Blayne's tanning and complemented his blue eyes. Print mixer.

4a.m. – Good morning Tim Gunn! Was a non-towel wearing person available to open the door?

FIRST CHALLENGE Create a look from items purchased at a grocery store.

Shopping, this all happens so fast – RTA (Random Thought Alert) Gristedes Mega Store. Oh no, I didn't see the first episode of the first season, what if I can't connect? Terri – Three piece suit made out of Fritos, and GO! $75, half an hour. I could maybe win this one. I would definitely win this one before an actual sewing one. Can I use a glue gun? Terri – mop heads? What about the Fritos? No Little Rock NOT THE KALE! Even I have learned to not use food during these challenges. Now something with the balls cut up could be interesting. Is Stella going to make a pair of pants for herself? To go over her striped tights and black boy shorts? Does he have a broom? Koosh balls – they still make those? I will never walk down the aisles of WM and look at anything the same way again.

"MAKE IT WORK" TIME

Suede said whackadoodle (sp?). Maybe whackadoodle can be the new "fierce".

Jarell wishes Blayne would put his licious "back in his case, close it up and take it to the girl next door". Clearly Blayne is trying to create the new "fierce" but he didn't realize Suede had it covered with "whackadoodle".

Leanne notices other have tablecloths and this makes her nervous because she wanted to be different. Why, if you really wanted to be different would you pick the one thing in the store that resembles a few yards of fabric? Leanne – imagine if you will: Snack. Baggies. Hundreds of them, all filled with different foods in a variety of colors all sewn together like a patchwork quilt. Maybe I can be on this show!

Jerry's superior eyes see that people were just putting crap on top of crap (but Jerry, it was fertilizer on top of mascara so I think it's legal). People were just using stuff he throws away in the trash. Really Jerry? Three words, Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!

I'm with you Stella, I hate it when I buy trash bags and they are the cheap kind! Did she just say her fabric was trash? I'm so confused, I thought her fabric HOLDS trash. Now she says the aesthetic of the entire idea might turn out garbage. No, it HOLDS the garbage. Good grief.

Jerell is the first to give us a Tim Gunn impression; we can all breathe easy now.

Tim meet girlicious, girlicious meet Tim.

I think Daniel's model is going to hate him and his cup dress wow factor.

Why I Heart Tim Gunn…"Yeah, you should worry that it's just a tablecloth". Suede must be nervous. He's not nearly as talkative to Tim as he is to the camera.

Tim wants a big impact not just another paper dress from Korto. But Tim, it's not just a paper dress. It's a GIANT, YELLOW paper dress. I'm a little worried – are those cherry tomatoes refrigerated or not, that always a subject that stirs controversy.

Jerry, there are no tablecloths in "April Showers Bring May Flowers", the rain will ruin the tablecloth.

Keith, sorry, Tim had just seen one tablecloth too many by the time he got to you.

Suede to camera – "Focus Suede". All the reality shows must have one token third person talker.

Blayne is the first to finish his garment. Maybe he should keep working.

DAY OF RUNWAY SHOW

I don't know who you are but there is a camera behind you, you do not need to go digging.

Enter the models. Digger (I'm horrible with names) says "Alright, get naked". Someone is going to have to push some puppies in and Blayne is handstiching the crotch area. Those crazy kids.

Jarell

Challenge Info: Tablecloth, Lawn Chairs, Cocktail Umbrellas & Koosh Ball
My Unprofessional Opinion: That sleeve reminds me of Rosie O' Donnell.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score

Blayne
Challenge Info: Drawer Liners, Shoelaces, Jump Rope & Potholders
My Unprofessional Opinion: I'm speechless. My husband should have a photo of this for when he wants peace and quiet. He could just hold it in front of me.
Professional Opinions: In with the lowest scores.

Joe
Challenge Info: Grocery Items: Oven Mitts, Fusilli Pasta, Muslin & Tomato Can Labels – "Tomato Hot Plate Spaghetti Fusilli Dress"
My Unprofessional Opinion: Turned out pretty cute, especially since no tablecloths were harmed in the making of this dress.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score.

Stella
Challenge Info: Garbage Bags
My Unprofessional Opinion: Maybe she had her hooker clients in mind?
Professional Opinions: In with the lowest scores. Austin wishes for something more impressive than thread. (Spaghetti?) Heidi's not impressed.

Jennifer
Challenge Info: Paper Towels, Lipstick
My Unprofessional Opinion: Hey, it's not a tablecloth.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score.

Kelli
Challenge Info: Vacuum Bags, Bleach, Dye, Coffee Filters, Thumbtacks, Notebook "Pretty ugly in a great way."
My Unprofessional Opinion: I really like the thumb tack area and down, I'm not sure about the bust area.
Professional Opinions: In with the highest scores. Nina – thinks it's great. Michael thinks she pushed the envelope. WINNER.

Terri
Challenge Info: Mop Heads & Tablecloth
My Unprofessional Opinion: Terri, I shouldn't have questioned the mop heads.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score.

Jerry
Challenge Info: Shower Curtain, Tablecloth, Gauze, Napkins & Rubber Gloves
My Unprofessional Opinion: I don't like it but I did shout at the television for him to explain his "April Showers…" theme.
Professional Opinions: In with the lowest scores. Michael - Bridal nurse? ( Night out on the town) after she left the hospital. Heidi - Hospital plumber. AUF'ED.

Suede
Challenge Info: Tablecloth & Doggie Waste Bags.
My Unprofessional Opinion: Suede's hair matches the dress.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score. Not boring. Heidi – Playboy Bunny gone grunge. Michael – wrestling challenge.

Keith
Challenge Info: Tablecloth, Laundry Bags, & Car Shade
My Unprofessional Opinion: More car shade, less tablecloth.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score.

Korto
Challenge Info: Tablecloth, Kale, Bell Peppers & Cherry Tomatoes
My Unprofessional Opinion: It's still GIANT and YELLOW. But she did use what normally goes on top of the tablecloth so points for that.
Professional Opinions: In with the highest scores. Nina- Impeccably done. Michael-Right girl in the right dress styled the right way.

Leanne Marshall
Challenge Info: Tablecloth (yawn), Meringue Cookies, Coffee Filters, and Marshmallows.
My Unprofessional Opinion: The coffee filters look like giant versions of that craft you do with glue, tissue paper, and the eraser end of a pencil.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score.

Emily
Challenge Info: Tablecloth, Balloons, Napkins & Bouncy Ball.
My Unprofessional Opinion: Why is that piñata attacking that models head
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score

Daniel
Challenge Info: 260 (not 259, not 261) plastic cups & muslin. "Sweetheart Cocktail Dress".
My Unprofessional Opinion: That is pretty impressive. Imagine what he could have done with 261 plastic cups.
Professional Opinions: In with the highest scores. All the judges like it (I think maybe because there isn't a tablecloth in sight).

Wesley
Challenge Info: Tablecloth, Fly Swatter & Plastic Cups
My Unprofessional Opinion: Not too much on Wesley leading up to the runway…hmmmm…..
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score.

Kenley
Challenge Info: Dodge Ball, Lawn Chair & Tablecloth
My Unprofessional Opinion: Stiff but fun.
Professional Opinions: Mid Range Score.